Add-Type -AssemblyName System.speech
$tts = New-Object System.Speech.Synthesis.SpeechSynthesizer
$Phrase = '
<speak version="1.0" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2001/10/synthesis" xml:lang="en-US">
<voice xml:lang="en-GB">
<prosody rate="0.7" pitch="+20st">
<p>This was a triumph!<break time="700ms"/>
I''m making a note here <break time="25ms"/>"Huge success"
<break time="775ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.55">It''s hard<break time="25ms"/> to overstate<break time="25ms"/> my satisfaction</prosody>.
<break time="800ms"/>
Aperture Science.
<break time="500ms"/>
We do what we must <break time="50ms"/>
because <break time="100ms"/> we can.
<prosody rate="0.4">For the good of all of us</prosody><break time="100ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.05">Except the ones who are dead</prosody>, <break time="50ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.8">But there''s no sense crying over every<break time="25ms"/> mistake</prosody><break time="150ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.8">You just keep on trying ''til you run out of cake</prosody><break time="200ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.80">And the science gets done</prosody><break time="25ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.70">and you make a neat gun</prosody><break time="25ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.80">for the people who</prosody> <prosody rate="0.5">are <break time="25ms"/>still alive.</prosody>
<break time="3300ms"/>
I''m not even angry<break time="1775ms"/>
I''m being so <break time="100ms"/> sincere <break time="100ms"/> right now<break time="1450ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.6">Even though<break time="200ms"/> you broke my heart</prosody><break time="200ms"/> and killed me<break time="1450ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.05">And tore me to</prosody> pieces. <break time="600ms"/>
And threw every piece <break time="50ms"/> <prosody rate="0.4">into</prosody><break time="50ms"/> a fire.
<break time="425ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.6">As they burned<break time="50ms"/></prosody> <prosody rate="0.75">it hurt because</prosody><break time="40ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.85">I was so happy</prosody> for you<break time="200ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.70">Now these points of data</prosody>
Make a beautiful <prosody rate="0.7">line</prosody><break time="125ms"/>
And we''re <prosody rate="0.5">out of beta</prosody>
<prosody rate="0.80">We''re releasing on time</prosody> <break time="125ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.90">So I''m GLaD I got burned</prosody><break time="25ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.90">Think of all the things we</prosody> learnt
for the people who are <break time="25ms"/>still <prosody rate="0.4">alive</prosody>
<break time="4400ms"/>
<prosody volume="-20%">
Go head and leave me.<break time="600ms"/>
I think I''d prefer <break time="50ms"/> to stay <break time="200ms"/> inside.<break time="250ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.62">Maybe you''ll<break time="125ms"/> find someone else</prosody> <break time="230ms"/> to help you.<break time="700ms"/>
</prosody>
Maybe Black Mesa? <break time="700ms"/>
That was a joke <break time="100ms"/> Ha Ha <break time="100ms"/> Fat chance!
<break time="250ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.5">Anyway</prosody><break time="50ms"/> this <prosody rate="0.6">cake is great</prosody><break time="25ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.02">It''s so delicious and moist</prosody> <break time="250ms"/>
<prosody rate="0.8">Look at me<break time="50ms"/> still talking when there''s science to do</prosody><break time="250ms"/>
When I look <prosody rate="0.6">out there</prosody> <prosody rate="1.02">it makes me GLaD I''m not you</prosody><break time="225ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.02">I''ve experiments</prosody> to run<break time="150ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.02">there is research to be done </prosody><break time="250ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.00">On the people who are</prosody><break time="250ms"/>still alive<break time="900ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.05">And believe me<break time="50ms"/> I am</prosody> <break time="50ms"/>still alive<break time="750ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.05">I''m doing science</prosody><break time="25ms"/> and I''m <break time="40ms"/>still alive<break time="700ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.1">I feel fantastic</prosody><break time="25ms"/> and I''m <break time="40ms"/>still alive<break time="650ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.05">While you''re dying</prosody><break time="25ms"/> I''ll be <break time="40ms"/>still alive<break time="650ms"/>
<prosody rate="1.00">And when you''re dead <break time="25ms"/>I will be</prosody> <break time="25ms"/>still alive
<break time="560ms"/>
Still alive
<break time="560ms"/>
Still alive.
</p>
</prosody>
</voice>
</speak>
'
$tts.SpeakSsml($Phrase)
Sunday, 28 February 2016
Tuesday, 5 January 2016
HSBC Online Banking Down
HSBC Online Banking is Down
As of 9:47 on 5th January, 2016, HSBC UK's Online Banking service has been down for AT LEAST 18 hours. Last night, there was NO service (I was getting 500 errors). This morning, still no service, but this is due to "a higher volume of traffic than usual".
Wow, HSBC, wow.
Have you heard of "Load Testing" or "Quality Assurance"? How about "Performance Monitoring"? I look forward to you VERY PUBLICLY publishing your Root Cause Analysis and Post Mortem, HSBC UK.
Update at 10:00
It looks from Paul85D's screencap from yesterday that HSBC UK are using an Oracle Application server (note the un-configured "you@your.address"). I assume that you are lending them a hand right now, Oracle?
Update at 10:05
DownDetector provide an excellent view of the situation from the user's perspective. A great demonstration of crowd-sourcing data. I hope that HSBC UK are a little more proactive than this for fault monitoring, though.
Update at 10:22
The BBC News guys are on to it. This will, of course, just result in anyone and everon who has an HSBC account trying to log in to see if their service is OK.
Short term: "Damn. Now no-one will be able to connect for days."
Long term: "Good. This will kick HSBC into action to a) sack whoever caused this nightmare and b) treat their Internet Banking service team a lot better."
Update at 10:30
Twitterfall is a great way to watch HSBC's nightmare unfold.
Update at 10:34
Unrelated, but this video give a glimpse of how HSBC UK IT might look right now (from "All of our data is GONE!"):
Update at 11:11
You can track the HSBC Share Price here
Update at 11:13
You can complain online here: https://www.hsbc.co.uk/1/2/contact-and-support/feedback-and-complaints . At least that part of HSBC's website is working right now.
Update at 11:23
Xhalr is something that will help all HSBC customers trying to use online banking right now:
Update at 11:25
Dear HSBC you may be interested in monitoring your IT infrastructure using a Performance Management System like LogicMonitor.
Update at 11:30
...and it's back! (applies to Business banking, though running a little slowly)
Update at 11:49
I spoke too soon. This is what I get when I log in:
Update at 11:52
OK, so THIS is new. DNS failures now... Perhaps they're reverting back to the old system?
Update at 12:00
Yes, Business Banking is back, and looking very much like the old system to me. I'll sign off now, but will update further if appropriate.
ARGH! Started making payments and it's back down again.
Update at 12:12
Update at 13:12
Still down. Apologies have been sent to all those my company owes money to.
...and tomorrow... the finger pointing starts...
Update at 13:25
Back up for now. I expect HSBC IT people are now staring intently at their screens with fingers crossed.
...and tomorrow... the finger pointing starts...
Update at 16:49
One thing worth pointing out. The relevant A record has a TTL of (randomly) between 0 and 20 seconds. OUCH. This is REALLY not good. HSBC, are you SURE people need to re-fetch an authoritative answer with each query? Also, are you SURE that this is not an attack? I sincerely hope that you are in control of that DNS record, because if you are not, customer traffic could potentially be re-routed elsewhere on the Internet.
Update at 17:11
There's an interesting discussion about DNS going on at The Register. Also, a lot of HSBC abuse from unhappy customers.
Wednesday, 30 September 2015
Changing you password on Windows Server 2012 via RDP
So it seems that this is not easy to do, but there is a way:
- WindowsKey + R, Type OSK, Hit Return
- On your Physical keyboard, hit Ctrl+Alt then CLICK Del on the on-screen keyboard.
- Voila - an option to change your password!
Friday, 29 May 2015
Thursday, 7 May 2015
Monday, 26 January 2015
Explore Filmmaking from Script to Screen
I'm really looking forward to starting a free online course "Explore Filmmaking from Script to Screen", in co-ordination with the National Film and Television School.
To check it out, or to sign up go to:
https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/explore-filmmaking
To check it out, or to sign up go to:
https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/explore-filmmaking
Tuesday, 13 January 2015
Our Loft Conversion
Our Loft conversion is now complete!
We went with Charles Grosvenor and the quality of the work and their approach was excellent. As with most building work, local contractors are used for specific jobs (plumbing, decoration etc.)
My general advice:
1. Get the initial specification right;
2. Maintain good communications throughout the project; and
3. Maintain a detailed "snagging list" as the project goes on
4. Put some contingency aside (in our case, about 10%)
Snags were remedied without any fuss, even "ooh look - there's a bit of a chip here"!
Putting some contingency aside is a must for things that we did not think of when agreeing the original specification. You WILL change your mind and ask for extra things. If these are outside of the initial specification, you will be charged extra, whoever you go with!
The new room is called "The Nest" and is our favourite room in the house! We have a really nifty sofabed up there, the dolls house, all the musical instruments, a desk with computer/printer and loads of storage. There is also an extra bathroom with loo and a generous (900mmx1000mm) shower.
We went with Charles Grosvenor and the quality of the work and their approach was excellent. As with most building work, local contractors are used for specific jobs (plumbing, decoration etc.)
My general advice:
1. Get the initial specification right;
2. Maintain good communications throughout the project; and
3. Maintain a detailed "snagging list" as the project goes on
4. Put some contingency aside (in our case, about 10%)
Snags were remedied without any fuss, even "ooh look - there's a bit of a chip here"!
Putting some contingency aside is a must for things that we did not think of when agreeing the original specification. You WILL change your mind and ask for extra things. If these are outside of the initial specification, you will be charged extra, whoever you go with!
The new room is called "The Nest" and is our favourite room in the house! We have a really nifty sofabed up there, the dolls house, all the musical instruments, a desk with computer/printer and loads of storage. There is also an extra bathroom with loo and a generous (900mmx1000mm) shower.
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